Alright so this is the end of the week Journal. So what actually happened this week. the week started off a bit chaotic. I came back from Krakow late around 23:00, then took like 20 minutes to get back home with the Bike that I hid in the bushes. Great that it was still there, hidden deep inside the soaking bushes. I went to bed right as I got back and didn't really think ahead of the week. I don't like waking up like this because I feel a bit confused. I really like to plan ahead.
So waking up I sort of rushed into the week with out really planning ahead, one day went by, then the next and by the third day I kind of lost the purpose, I wasn't really sure of what was the overall plan was, and why I was doing what I was doing. I think it was on Wednesday that I relapsed to Porn, it started with just a peak, and then photos of nudes. But I stopped myself and realised that I should instead just masturbate, otherwise I will just continue watching Porn. So I sat down, gathered the Coconut oil and fapped, it was quite a good orgasm, and it took like 30-40 minutes to get to it. Some people might see this as disgusting, but honestly it felt great, I didn't watch Porn and masturbation on it's own is a much better very to release that sexual tension and at the same time connect with yourself.
But still the confusion was there and the week was coming to an end.
On Friday I had a relapse once again, and I figured out why I was relapsing in the first place. Well it was because I was confused and the confusion was arising from the fact that I would stay up and work late. I was doing design work for a client and staying up late into the night was making me mentally fatigued and frustrated. Which lead me towards addictive behaviour.
So Saturday came, I was suppose to go to krakow to see a live performance, but unfortunetly I cancelled the tickets last moment because I just felt disapointed at myself for relapsing.
The sun shines, the wind gives the melody. I sit there writing about my past and being taken back to those good old memories, taking a sip of coffee every so often. No stress, just people walking from place to place, and the occasional Pigeon asking for bread. I also went to a polish dance event where I danced for an hour to some folk music and held a sexy milf by her tender hip. And on the way home stopped by a Beer events with live music and started a few conversations.
Today is Sunday and I'm just trying to take it slow today, do a bit of writing, sip a coffee and organise my thoughts as I go into next week. One behaviour that I want to implement more is awareness, awareness is the foundation of focus or clarity, when awareness is missing my emotions take me by storm, and it usually ends up bad. So I will be more mindful of things that I do, for example when I'm walking paying attention to my steps, or when I eat to pay attention to the taste, or when I'm having a conversation just pay attention to the energy I'm feeling.
So a summary of the things that have been happening in my life
• Got a bike, broke it, and now repairing it
• Started meditating more often, putting more focus on awareness
• Going out to Parks, Cafes and in general spending more time outdoors
• Went to a dance event, and a beer festival
• Producing content regularly - making my business TakKamil a priority in my life