Fourth night, same couch and same papers still laying on the floor. I gotta pick them up eventually, they've been there for four days already. When I came to this new place I had some new ideas about what I wanted to accomplish and so I wrote them down, but they're still on the floor.
Recently I've been feeling like the clock is going twice as fast, and there is no time for anything. I blame it on my phone, I've been spending too much time on it talking to my gf, I think it was 3 hours today. And it's not her fault, some times I need an emotional fix and who do I call to get it, her. Rather than calling out of excitement or to give something of value, I call in need.
I get it though. I've been in Kraków for a few days now and I don't have a social circle here. I already realised that this is an important part of a healthy human being. We need to be social, we need to talk, touch, hear and all the above, if we don't... our poor little Ego gets bored. How dare you bore the Ego!? Now you shall suffer.
I still don't understand myself and what I want. I sit here trying to accept this whole situation of living in one place, going to the same Café everyday, meeting the same faces, but something deep down sparks my imagination and shows me a travel reel. "I...I.. seeee.... Ohh that's me, traveling through Italy... Oh now I'm in the Himalayas hiking.. Now I'm in Spain playing the guitar". FUCK. Why can't I just be contempt with this white walled room, and that old ass looking desk, and how about a beer, want to join us for a beer roomie? We can be bestfriends... FOREVER.... ha... ha.. ha.
What shall I do? What shall I do?
The only thing I can.
I will do what makes me HAPPPYYYYY... happy. happyyy. Yes happy. Joyous, Fulfilled, same shit. Because that's all that really matters, truly. You can spent you day crying over wanting something better, but the fundamentals of life still apply. If you're seeking happiness. Work a bit, make some money, exercise, eat well, socialise; and don't forget to dedicate time to your passion. That's all I can really do with this fucked up childhood trauma injured brain. As long as every day I occupy myself with these things I won't have to worry, I'll be too busy. That's the way.