Still in Hungary. I don't really want to go back to Poland, really. I don't want to be stuck with my grandparents, stuck in their shitty belief systems. I know that they have a large farm that I can do some work on, but it would be hard for me there. I would most likely not be able to do any work there first off because my Grandfather is really strict, and secondly it's not my land, it's 'their' land.
The other thing is that I have it pretty good here. I just moved into my GF father place, it's a bit of a mess, there are clothes and electronics everywhere, but it's peaceful. Her older brother also lives here (my age), and he works from his computer now since the Coronavirus pandemic started. The thing is I don't want to intrude upon their lives by staying at their place. I had this plan at the beginning that my GF and I would be able to stay here together, have a cool daily schedule, create art and make music, and even hangout so that we could develop our relationship a bit more - before I start traveling again - but she has to go back. It's hard for her to stay here because there is no wifi and all her school work has to be done online, and her mother is a bit possessive so she doesn't know how her mother will take the news. Her step dad also lives with them, and my gf is not so fond of him because he is a bit of a nut - always creating unnecessary stress for both her and her mother.
So what will I do...
Well I have this goal... I need to have a full time passive income coming in by the end of May. I have a few months, but I can do plenty with those two months. I have the time. I have the freedom. And I have the opportunity. Now the only thing that I 'need' is discipline. I think I can make it work. If everything goes well, and the whole Coronavirus pandemic settles down I can start traveling once again. But my plans have been changing, I think I'm realising something deeper now.
About 4 years ago I had a strange experience. I was experimenting with this whole Out of Body experience (astral projection) thing. And after months of practice and reading some AP (astral projection) books, one night while going into sleep mode I exited my physical body and was flying around the neighbourhood. After that experience my whole view of reality shifted. the perspective changed. The whole of my life changed. I experimented with this a few more times, but had minimal success - maybe I read too many fear mongering articles on reddit and put myself in a state of fright, or something like this, but I wasn't able to do it again until a few days ago.
I woke up around three or 4 am, I felt slight vibrations and I became really aware of my body. I increased the vibrations and really tried to concentrate. After a little bit of time I couldn’t get out so I imagined myself running, I was running and after a few moments (wasn't too long) My consciousness occupied that person running (me or not me, idk?). I became aware instantaneously, I was running in a long hall, was sort of like a basement or a cellar, I kept on running into different halls (the feeling wasn't a fearful one). Eventually I turned right and there was a door, I opened the door and I ended up in a city. It was night time, the weather was luke warm. There were a few people about. I knew that I was in the non-physical now, but no one could see me. I noticed this girl walking on the sidewalk. I guess I was sexually aroused and I tried to go near her, or even into her (with my body), but with no result. I eventually stopped. And started running around the street (there were no cars). I was so excited because I knew I was 'out', but all of this soon ended and I was again in the physical.
Second experience was a few minutes after. I remember I had a really hard time trying to get out but again I imagined myself leaving my body, got out, I went above the bed and I actually saw a mirror image of myself (looking towards the wall) It was basically like looking at a mirror. I was looking at the face (same face as mine) and I was bending down, and the entity was copying my movements. Eventually I looked below me and I noticed my body laying on the bed. I also took a peek out the window, and I saw a very futuristic city outside.
I haven't yet pointed out the 'point' of me sharing this. I believe that there are somethings which we aren't really aware of, and this is mainly due to the distractions of the modern world of consumerism and materialism. We are blinded by the physical 'goods' of this world. But deep down, if we come back to the ruts, and the simple things in life, we will find that we have many 'unseen' abilities. And so 'my goal', is to find these.
I know that they exist, but I just need to be more disciplined about the practices that help me uncover these states. Because there is nothing more exciting to me than experiencing this thing that people call an Astral Projection, or and Out of Body Experience. What I experience in the physical reality feels like a cover up of the true world. I can't get satisfaction from human things anymore. I can go hiking and look at beautiful scenery, but it does not do much for me. I can go to another country and experience a completely different culture, but that can only fulfil my being so much. And materialism doesn't do anything for me anymore.
The other goal of my life for now is to own a piece of land on Earth. I want to connect back to nature. I want to plant my own vegetables, have a full garden, and walk barefoot on the grass without anyone telling me to put on my shoes. I want that land to be just the way I want it. I've been traveling for a while now and living in small apartments is not the way I want to do things anymore - it used to be cool, exciting, novel, but it's time to move on.
I don't yet know what will happen in the next few months, but I must adopt, and continue - because giving up is not an option. I thought many times to myself, "what if I just end it here? it would be so simple", but then I think to myself 'you'll just reincarnate and have to do it all over again'. It's like a video game, you take the easy way out, get killed and have to go back to the last check point. Don't take the easy way out, learn, adopt, and evolve.