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Emotionally/ Financially Drained, Back to Grandparent's House

Recently I moved in with my Grandparents. I live on the empty second floor of their two story home. I don't really know my Grandparents so well, party because I moved to the USA when I was young and party because we didn't really keep in touch. But... this was my last option, it was either stay with my GF, get into a serious relationship and live in Hungary, or come back to Poland and live with my Grandparents. There were other options, maybe doing a Workaway program, or contacting friends to get a shared apartment, but I didn't really want to deal with all that, I needed to get away and get some privacy, because I haven't had that for a while.

I've been living in Hungary for the past few months, living with my GF and literally spending most of our time together. It was a good experience because we got real close, learned a lot about each other, and had good fun. But there was no privacy there, no personal space, and no 'ME' time, and I definitely needed a bit of that.

So, Grandparent's house it was. Book a cheap bus ticket back to Poland, get pass the border checks and all was good. I stopped by Krakow for a day, drank some coffee and explored, but then headed straight to the East of Poland as I didn't really want to be in cities no more.

I had a GOAL when I arrived in my Grandparent's little town, it was to finish up my Mother's house, one that our Grandfather built for her and our family. For the first few days all was fine, I worked viguriously, trying to help out here and there, and developing the relationship with my Grandparents, but as time passed I started to see a reality that I didn't expect.

My Grandparents were treating me like a little dumb kid, they saw me as a homeless traveller that came to live with them in need of help and caring. But that wasn't my perspective at all. I was seeking a home, and that is truth, I needed a place where I could feel like I didn't have to run away and move every month or so. I needed a place where I could stabilize my life and focus. I was already making some money online, I had connecting all over the world, I have knowledge that most people didn't, but now I just needed my own space.

And I'm not gonna BS, I do have that here. It's comfortable, I got food, privacy and all my basic needs are met, but I'm living around people who want to change me, and make me into something that I am not. But the worse part is that they do it using fear and hate. They tell me things like "you're such a kid, get a real job", "you'll never grow up, your pathetic" or "you need to believe in Jesus because otherwise you'll go to hell", I hear lots of these remarks throughout the day, especially by my Uncle.

But I should not blame them, I should blame myself. I knew that this would happen, maybe not at such a degree, but I knew how they thought and I already for-seen some of these scenarios. And yes, the blame is all on me, I ended up here, I decided not to work, not to make money, not to rent an apartment, and I think it's because I was afraid and I was exhausted by the presence of people. I lived almost a full year with lots of chaos all around me, no space, and no way to actually think about my life and what I was doing.

I'm an introvert, and whether this type of person exists or not I know that I have those traits. I need space, I need privacy, I need to be alone, this is where I gather my energy. But I guess besides all the shit I've been experiencing here I had some of those goodies, and it gave me a bit of energy, and a bit of time and space to think about things.

So what now?

I'm not leaving yet, and I don't want to make any impulsive decisions just yet. But I do have a clear focus of what I'll be doing next. I can't think too far ahead, and I have to focus on what is actually real. Right now I'm sort of out of money - so that is the priority - get a few clients, set myself up so that I'm at least making a grand every month, so that I can cover expenses for rent, food and transportation


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